Sarah
Novice
Official Secretary to "El Presidente"
Posts: 51
|
Post by Sarah on Jan 30, 2010 2:44:11 GMT -6
Gasping, watching, now, Hoping, trying, living, then. The pain will not stop.
Wanting it to end. Is it ever to be done? The pain will not stop.
Wanting to go on, Praying for some kind of hope. The pain is stopping.
|
|
|
Post by RoughWriters on Mar 29, 2010 23:57:06 GMT -6
I like the disjointed adjectives at the beginning. I kind of wish that had been used more throughout the poem to punctuate certain beats or points. It would make it all longer, yes, but i would get a neat rhythm to it, I think...
|
|
Sarah
Novice
Official Secretary to "El Presidente"
Posts: 51
|
Post by Sarah on Mar 31, 2010 8:14:33 GMT -6
I like the disjointed adjectives at the beginning. I kind of wish that had been used more throughout the poem to punctuate certain beats or points. It would make it all longer, yes, but i would get a neat rhythm to it, I think... It took me a moment to realize what you meant by disjointed adjectives. You should translate the title. It's in Romanian. I don't know why I did it the way I did, but when I wrote it, I did have a reason for it, I just can't remember it now. lol Do you think it sounds suicidal?
|
|