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Post by gardners on Feb 3, 2009 19:46:01 GMT -6
I'd like feedback on which of the two versions you like better--version 1 or version 2. They are both based on an old photograph of my mother, sister, and I at the beach when my sis and I were children. Are the details concrete enough? Can you picture my picture? Thanks for the feedback. Susan G An Afternoon at the Oregon Coast The jackets, red, I remember, matched white t-shirts, light blue shorts, white anklets, identical Buster Brown sandals. Perched atop the driftwood log, the tow-headed squinter and the nose-scratching, brown-eyed one book-ended their mother, a serenely posed woman. The ocean, faintest of faint in the background, showed the tide out Someone stood on the darker, wetter sand near the water While for the moment the trio in the foreground awaited the click of the shutter. *************************************************************************** An Afternoon at the Oregon Coast The ocean, faintest of faint in the background, showed the tide out Someone stood on the darker, wetter sand near the water While for the moment the trio in the foreground awaited the click of the shutter. The jackets, red, I remember, matched white t-shirts, light blue shorts, white anklets, identical Buster Brown sandals. Perched atop the driftwood log, the tow-headed squinter and the nose-scratching, brown-eyed one book-ended their mother, a serenely posed woman.
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Post by glen on Feb 5, 2009 10:51:09 GMT -6
I like the first one best, mainly because I like it ending with the "click of the shutter." Gives it a sense of completeness.
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Post by Edward Cheever on Feb 26, 2009 18:50:53 GMT -6
While I agree with Glen that the line "click of the shutter" gives it a sense of completeness, I've seen the photograph and I like how the subjects of the photograph are brought into focus, going from the outside to the inside of the picture.
Of course if you somehow edited it so that "Click of the shutter" went at the end of the second version, it might be even better.
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Post by kd on Feb 26, 2009 19:03:57 GMT -6
A first I thought I liked the second one best for the same reasond that Edward said, but after reading it again, the second one seems unfinished.
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